Pants on Fire
by Beelsebutt
Summary: Harry truly had a problem; he was too kind and never, ever able to say no. Harry/Ron slash. Please, note the rating and warnings inside! Pic from dA: fya-shellk


**A/N:**

This story was written for Harry and Ron Holidays -challenge on LiveJournal. It was a "Secret Santa" kind of a present for kuro-and-wynter :)

About the vocabulary. _MM-Mobile/Triple-M_ is a mobile that works with magic. I created it for my other story, TICTAC, which is a sequel to Without Grace (WIP), where Arthur explains (to Ron) that "The blokes at the Department of International Magical Co-operation set about the project, and when Croaker heard about it, he jumped immediately on board. He said that 'it's about time to bring the wizarding folk into this millenium.'"

Many thanks to my wonderful betas, _Sassa_ & _Cloudy_ — you guys rock :3

**Warning: Swearing, magical technology, mature themes! Also, kind of breaking "the fourth wall"!**

**Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns the Potters, not me. I'm just playing with them. Don't sue!**

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><p><em>~.~.~<em>

**Pants on Fire**

_~.~.~_

"How is work?"

"Great, thanks," Harry answered, reserved, smiling nonetheless politely to Parvati Patil who had him cornered in a rowdy party at Dean and Seamus'.

"What are you working with at the moment?" Parvati asked enthusiastically, stepping a bit closer to Harry — a little too close in Harry's opinion.

"I can't say, sorry."

"Surely you can tell me _something_," Parvati cooed, brushing Harry's sleeve lightly with her fingertips. Harry shook his head and took a sip from his beer. Parvati was as annoying as she had been in their fourth year when Harry had been forced to ask her to the Yule Ball.

"How're you doing?" Harry tried to trick Parvati into talking about her life for a change.

"Oh, the same, the same. I'm making some progress with the crystal ball, though. I think I'll soon be able to rely solely on it. Which is good because I prefer the misty form of Divination to the sharp, ghastly cards," Parvati babbled on for a while.

Harry nodded encouragingly, trying to steal a glance around the room. Where the hell was Ron? They had a pact, for Merlin's sake!

"So, can you at least tell me who you're working with? I heard you got some centaurs to help you with something," Parvati asked suddenly.

Harry startled. Not because Parvati had mentioned the centaurs — it was pure gossip, of course — but because she had been droning on about horoscopes the last time Harry had paid any attention to her words.

"I really can't," Harry apologized. He was getting irritated with Parvati. "Listen, I should go and find—"

"Oh, come _on_, Harry! We haven't seen each other for so many years!" Parvati chirped, slipping her hand around Harry's arm. "And I think you owe me something after that catastrophic Ball during the Triwizard Tournament."

So, Parvati hadn't forgotten it, either. Harry was starting to panic. He contemplated between Disapparating and faking being sick, when he heard a familiar voice behind him.

"There you are, Harry!"

Harry turned around, freeing his arm smoothly from Parvati's death grip.

"Hi, Parvati!" Ron greeted the sullen-looking ex-classmate of his with a wide grin.

"Ronald," Parvati said icily. She tried to catch Harry's eye, but both of them were too busy signalling to Ron to take him away.

"Well, sorry to barge in and everything, but we really have to leave now," Ron said easily. "We have an early morning tomorrow."

"Since when did you get to decide when Harry's leaving or not?" Parvati asked, now with venom in her voice.

"Since we've been partners at work," Ron quipped and grabbed Harry's arm. "Nice seeing you, Parvati."

They stepped out of the room, and Harry glanced over his shoulder, before allowing himself to shiver.

"That was a close call."

"Yeah, I noticed. You really suck at saying no."

"I know. That's why I have you."

"Ron to the rescue?" Ron said, grinning. He had laughed at Harry when he had first suggested the pact. But after one catastrophic party where Harry had been forced to a private room by some determined twins who had been obsessed with having a threesome with the famous Harry Potter, Ron had realised that Harry truly had a problem. He was too kind and never, ever able to say no.

"That's the job," Harry joked. "Only, you could've come earlier. Where were you anyway?"

Ron blushed slightly before answering.

"Dean had some porn that he wanted me to check out."

"What?" Harry burst out louder than he had meant to. He glanced around before lowering his voice. "Why the hell didn't you ask me, too?"

"It wasn't that good," Ron explained evasively.

"Do you really think I have some quality standards for porn? Besides, any porn beats being bored by Parvati."

Ron sighed. "It was gay porn."

"No shit! Was it any good?"

"Well..."

"Where is it? I wanna see it, too!"

"You?" Ron startled. He had been sure that Harry would have died of embarrassment after mentioning the word 'gay'.

"Me. Why not?"

"Err, I just thought that—"

"That I'd be repulsed by the mere idea of gay porn and just forgive you for being late?"

"Well..."

Harry chuckled. "So, can we go and see it?"

"No!" Ron yelped.

"See what?" Seamus intervened, coming around the corner.

"Nothing!" Ron snapped. "We're going home."

_~.~.~_

Next morning, they were late. Ron didn't mind, because Harry actually stopped bugging him about the porn for a moment. They hurried through the secret passageway and did the morning routine required from all the Unspeakables: return of the work-related thoughts from the Pensieve, the Anti-Jinx Chamber and the Curse Detecting Tunnel. At the meeting, though, Harry looked extremely calm and collected. It freaked Ron out a bit.

"In the light of the recent achievements..." Mr Lovatt was rambling on, when Ron felt his MM-Mobile vibrate. He glanced at his boss who was demonstrating something with a 3D model, then slid his hand to his pocket very slowly. He checked the screen, keeping the Triple-M under the table so no one but him could see it.

_¤ If you don't tell me what happened in the film, I'll have to use my imagination. ¤_

Ron stared at the message. It was from Harry who was sitting right next to him. He turned his head and tried to catch Harry's eye, but Harry was vehemently staring at Mr Lovatt. Ron huffed and stuck his wand in the hole on one side of the mobile. He concentrated, and the message appeared on the screen.

_¤ You moron! We're in the middle of a meeting! Shut up, and focus! ¤_

Harry's answer came immediately, which was only to be expected.

_¤ I think it all started with kissing. Hot, wet kisses and groping hands, right? ¤_

Ron stared at the screen and actually felt his blush rise. No one could be that evil! Surely, Harry wasn't about to do what Ron suspected he was about to— his Triple-M vibrated again.

_¤ I'll bet the guy number one, let's call him Dan, slid his hands on guy number two's, he could be Rupert, neck and stepped closer, grinding their hips together. ¤_

Ron's eyes nearly bulged out as he stared at his mobile. This wasn't real. Harry hadn't actually sent him that message! Then, the screen updated as a new message arrived.

_¤ Rupert grabbed Dan's buttocks tighter just to get him that much closer and kissed his jaw. Maybe there was stubble, because Dan forgot to shave that morning. ¤_

Ron couldn't help it but sneaked a peek at Harry who, in fact, had a shadow on his chin. Ron's facial hair didn't grow as fast as Harry's, so he didn't have to shave on daily basis — a fact which Harry liked to remind him about every now and then. Another message arrived, and Ron was almost too scared to check it. Almost.

_¤ Dan pushed his hands under Rupert's shirt, right? Just to feel his bare skin. I'll bet it felt hot. Just like Rupert's breath on Dan's neck. ¤_

"Mr Weasley, are you all right?" Mr Lovatt asked suddenly.

Ron's eyes snapped at his boss, and his hands trembled so much he almost dropped his mobile.

"Quite, Mr Lovatt."

"You seem a bit... feverish," Mr Lovatt said with a worrying note in his voice.

"No, no, I'm all right, thanks for asking. It's just a bit warm in here, and I have this thick sweater under my robes," Ron babbled on until Harry kicked him in the shin. "Please, continue, Mr Lovatt."

Mr Lovatt cast a last, baffled look at Ron, before turning toward his 3D-model again. "So, as you see..."

Ron wiped his forehead with his sleeve before checking the three new messages he had in his inbox. His cock was hard and heavy in his left trouser leg, and he half-groaned, half-sighed as he rubbed it accidentally with his Triple-M. Fortunately, Mr Lovatt didn't hear it, but Harry did, judging from the silent snickering Ron heard beside him.

_¤ Then Dan unbuttoned Rupert's shirt. Rupert's hands slid up and down on Dan's back, and Dan's fingers felt so good on his chest. Maybe Dan rubbed Rupert's tender nipples. ¤_

Ron gulped.

_¤ Dan pushed Rupert's shirt off and latched his mouth onto his nipple, sucking it good and hard. ¤_

It was getting out of hand. Ron didn't know which way to sit. He felt like he was going to explode any minute now, but through his horny haze, another thought was pushing towards the forefront of his mind: Harry was going to pay for this.

Still, Ron couldn't help but to check out the last message in his inbox.

_¤ Rupert felt the sucking all the way in his dick which was hard and throbbing and just waiting for Dan's lips. Just then, Dan dropped onto his knees and unzipped Rupert's trousers. ¤_

Ron could see it all so clearly in his mind. He was imagining himself looking down to see Harry on his knees in front of him, his reddened lips slightly open just waiting to engulf his cock. Oh, the idea seemed so tempting, so hot, _so right_ that Ron hated Harry for putting it in his mind.

But it wasn't the only thing Ron hated about Harry at the moment.

Ron was rescued by Mr Lovatt who announced the meeting to be over. Ron waited until everyone had left; everyone but him and Harry who had been shuffling his papers until they were alone in the room. Ron's hard-on made it impossible for him to get up, so he just turned his chair towards Harry and glared at him menacingly.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"

Harry looked surprised, but after a few seconds, his lips curled into a nasty smile.

"What do you mean?" he asked with masked innocence.

Ron was seeing red. "Those messages, you idiot! Do you really want me to get fired?"

"What?! Of course not! Why on Earth would I want something like that?"

"Funny you didn't think it through before sending all those messages," Ron snapped, but continued as Harry appeared to be clueless about what he had done. Ron didn't buy it for a second. "Oh, come on. I'm sure Mr Lovatt would have had something to say to the fact that I was reading text messages while I was supposed to be listening to him give a presentation about... about..."

"About the latest applications we have been able to modulate under the Magic Managing Spellothomy," Harry completed the sentence. Ron cursed under his breath, and Harry started to get irritated. "Why did you even read all of them? I sure didn't make you check your mobile. You could've just ignored them."

"Like I could've stopped reading them!" Ron barked.

"Why not?" Harry demanded.

Ron didn't answer. He was boiling with anger, and all Harry did was to try to make him angrier still. Unbelievable!

"Why not, Ron?" Harry repeated louder.

Ron stood up abruptly.

"You know bloody well why! You did it on purpose just because you know I'm ga—" Ron stopped dead.

"You're what?" Harry asked, almost whispering. His eyes were large and he looked scared.

"Fuck off!" Ron spat out and rushed through the door.

_~.~.~_

Evening came, and Harry was sitting on the armchair, facing the Floo. He had had a good five hours to think about what he had done. Something that had started as an innocent prank had turned into a grimly serious misunderstanding.

He had never meant for Ron to get annoyed, well, not that bad anyway. He hadn't really even meant for Ron to get aroused. And, he most certainly hadn't meant for himself to get a hard-on by writing text messages with gay porn in them! It had come as a shock to Harry; he had never realised he had a thing for guys. Truth be told, he still didn't have a thing for guys, just one guy. And, seeing that guy get all worked up by just reading his text messages, well, it had opened a whole new world to Harry: A world where Ron was something else than just his best friend and flatmate.

And Ron was gay, too!

That thought especially made Harry's mind whirl. What did it mean? Did Ron want to have sex with some guy? Did Ron want to have sex with _him_? Harry was so turned on by the idea that he had to push it further back in his mind. Now was not the time. Ron was so angry at him that he would get a fist in his face if he would be stupid enough to ask Ron anything at the moment.

Where was Ron? It was ten already, and he hadn't been at work after the meeting.

Just then, the Floo was lit with emerald flames, and a dishevelled-looking Ron stepped out of them. Harry waved his wand, and the floating orbs all around the living room were filled with gentle light.

"Oh, it's you," Ron said, sounding very tired.

"Where have you been?" Harry asked, getting up from the armchair. "I've been worried sick."

"Right," Ron said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"No, really! I had to figure out something for Mr Lovatt, so I said that you ate something bad and had to go to St Mungo's."

"Oh," Ron mumbled, heading towards the kitchen. "Well, I'm still pissed off for what you did." He didn't get too far, though, as Harry grabbed his arm.

"Seriously, mate, we have to talk."

"No, we don't!" Ron barked and snatched his arm away from Harry's fingers. "We have nothing to talk about." He turned again towards the kitchen but was unable to get there.

"Yes. We. Do," Harry emphasized. He had his wand in his hand and was pushing Ron backwards with an invisible barrier. "Sit down."

"Fuck you! You don't get to say what I'm supposed to do!" Ron erupted, swishing his wand from the holster so fast that Harry had hardly any time to erect his defences. Ron's spell hit Harry's shield and enlightened the room with fierce red light. Harry readied himself to disarm Ron but acted too slowly — just as soon as he dropped his shield, Ron lunged.

Ron landed hard on top of Harry, sending him sprawling to the floor. There were red sparks hitting the ceiling as Harry's wand flew out of his hand. The fall knocked the wind out of Ron, but still, Harry was safely pinned on the ground faster than he could react.

"Geroff me!" Harry growled, fighting to get his arms free.

"You fucking moron!" Ron barked, swearing loudly as Harry managed to punch him on the chin.

Harry yelped as Ron bent his arm, but was rewarded with loud swearing as his knee hit Ron in the stomach. All he could think of was that it felt _so good_ to let everything out. After a while, though, Harry also noticed that wrestling with Ron was as arousing as hell. Their bodies collided together, their angry, laborious breaths washed each other's faces, even the stinging pain Harry felt every time Ron was able to twist some part of his body — they all conjured a mixture that made Harry's cock harder and harder by the minute.

Finally, Ron was able to lock Harry's hands on top of his head and lean on his legs, making it impossible for him to move. Harry breathed heavily under Ron's malevolent stare and tried the best he could to keep his hips from touching Ron's; he was so hard it hurt.

"Why?" Ron snarled through the gritted teeth. "Why did you do it?"

"I didn't mean for you to get in trouble if that's what you're asking for," Harry wheezed. Ron's shins pressed sharply on his thighs, and his wrists felt numb from the death grip Ron was holding them in. On top of it all, Harry was starting to feel a bit self-conscious about how arousing he felt the whole situation was.

"I asked you why you did it, not why you didn't do it," Ron demanded. He tried to blow a sweaty lock of hair off his forehead but it was stuck. Instead, his breath puffed right up Harry's nostrils ensuring him that where ever Ron had been all evening, it hadn't been a bar.

"It was supposed to be a prank," Harry confessed. "But then..."

Ron waited for a moment, but as Harry didn't continue, he moistened his lips with the tip his tongue and asked again.

"Then what?"

Harry stared at Ron's glistening lips. His cock was aching in the tight constraint of his jeans, and he tried to wiggle his hips to ease the pressure but managed only to rub his bulge against Ron's groin.

He froze on the spot. Had Ron felt it? Had Ron felt _it_, and more specifically, had Ron felt how hard _it_ was? He stared, panic-stricken, at Ron's eyes that shone brightly under his slightly furrowed brow.

"You're having a hard-on?" Ron asked, surprised.

"No," Harry denied immediately, shaking his head.

Ron's brow furrowed even more. He glanced down, then looked directly at Harry's eyes.

"Liar, liar..."

Then, as Ron leaned down, rubbing his groin against Harry's, it truly felt like Harry's pants were on white-hot, flaming fire.

Ron watched, mesmerized, how Harry's eyes glazed over and his lips parted slightly to allow a silent gasp. He repeated the manoeuvre, and this time Harry yelped, arching his front against Ron's belly. Ron's fully hard cock pressed along Harry's length, and Ron couldn't help but marvel at how Harry looked under him: sweaty, horny, out of control. And totally at his mercy. It was more or less precisely like Ron had fantasized during the long nights he had spent awake in his own room, right next to Harry's.

Harry closed his eyes, and Ron lowered his head. The tip of his nose touched Harry's, causing his eyes to fly open.

"For me?" Ron whispered, his lips perhaps an inch from Harry's. "You're hard for me?"

"Fu-uck, yes!" Harry howled as the seam of Ron's jeans hit the extra sensitive spot on his dick.

Ron clamped his mouth on Harry's and dived right in. Their teeth bumped together, they breathed heavily into each other's mouths, and it was the single best kiss Ron had ever experienced. Harry's tongue was hot and wet and gliding along his as it mapped every inch inside his mouth while their whole bodies writhed against each other.

Harry's lips slid to Ron's jaw, and he sucked, licked, nipped all the way to Ron's sensitive ear. Ron pushed Harry's shirt up with his free hand, searching and finding his nipples. He rubbed them feverishly, but as Harry sucked the tip of his earlobe into his mouth, Ron yelped, pinching the nipple.

It was all happening so soon. The pent up frustration that had doubled during their fight was too much to handle. Ron wanted to slow down, to savour the moment, at least take off their clothes, for Merlin's sake! — but there was no time.

"Close... so close," he babbled on Harry's neck. He slid his hand under Harry's arse and made a couple of incoherent, jerky movements against Harry's cock before falling over the edge, stars twinkling behind his eyes.

"Fuck, fuck, fuuuuck!" Harry shouted at Ron's ear just a few moments later, shaking all over under Ron.

Ron collapsed beside Harry, well, halfway on top of him, and forced his eyes open — almost being afraid that Harry would otherwise disappear. Harry's eyelids were half-closed, but he stared right back at Ron, trying to catch his breath. For a while, neither of them spoke.

"So..." Harry said eventually, clearing his throat.

"This was new," Ron ventured.

"Yeah, you could say that again," Harry chuckled.

"How did you know?"

"Know what?" Harry asked, befuddled.

"That I was gay. Did Dean tell you?"

"I didn't— hey! How come Dean knew before me?"

"He saw me coming out of a gay bar," Ron explained. His hand rested on top of Harry's chest, and it itched to explore further on his pale skin.

"Oh," Harry exhaled.

"Yeah."

"Well, I didn't know you were."

"I didn't know you were, either," Ron reminded Harry.

"Me neither!" Harry exclaimed, bending his arm under his head. "It's just that... When I was sending those messages, I guess I just pictured us doing those things. And, well, it got me hard."

"Yeah?" Ron grinned, moving his thumb experimentally over Harry's nipple. Harry drew his lower lip between his teeth. "Me, too."

Ron marvelled at the relaxed, euphoric expression that Harry had on his face, wondering if he, too, looked like he had just had the most intense orgasm of his life. He slid his hand tentatively along Harry's side, earning a soft gasp that went straight to his re-hardening cock.

"Don't know about you, but I'm definitely up to round two. Maybe this time we could wear less clothes?"

"Right now?" Harry asked, surprised. Then he grinned. "I thought you were about to head to the kitchen to make a snack."

"Not hungry," Ron whispered at Harry's neck, squeezing his buttock.

"Liar, liar," Harry chuckled as Ron's stomach rumbled right at that moment.

"Must be, since my pants are on fire."

_~o~_

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><p><strong>End Notes: Thank you all for reading, I hope you'll review too!<strong>

**/ Re-uploaded for fixing a typo :P**


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